My Reality: Its evening time and the toddler is back from school. She may need soothing after a long day and imagine this infused with a whole lot of whining and being clingy. I have to go through the motions of both the physical and mental aspect of things.
My 2nd pregnancy: more lethargy, heartburn and indigestion during my first trimester, resulting in a lot of discomfort, especially in the evenings. My tummy gets all bloated to the very top that walking, squatting, bending and even laughing hurts. As my pregnancy progresses, with the belly getting bigger and heavier, caring for a toddler has never been more of a challenge! You know, they are only of a certain height, what are the chances of not bending, kneeling and squatting often?
My battles: Physically, I battle with my own discomfort. Aside from part time involvement of working and activities. I fetch her from school, tend to her needs such as soothing, bathing, preparation of dinner, encouraging her (to eat on her own despite a long day and feeding oneself is hardly a favorite) and playtime. Nursing is her main source of comfort. Since pregnancy, latching becomes a sore and slightly painful affair but knowing how this brings her comfort and emotionally stabilizes her, I do it.
Mentally, when one gets tired, patience is rarely top notch. Honestly, I'm no angelmama. I still do swear from time to time. Don't get me wrong. I don't swear at people. I swear at situations gone wrong or something bad happens. E.g. A child falls. I’d spew something out. Not at her but at the unfortunate incident. With much mindfulness, this act of mine may have decreased dramatically since the toddler was born. It does take quite an effort to hold back, breathe, grow a longer temper and not flip out myself. Easier said than done right? It's true. I realized that it gets tough, especially when the challenges accumulates.
I hit the wall. It happened. I was not conscious of how it was until my husband rebuked me. He brought to my attention that it was getting a little frequent lately and I've got to take a step back. My heart cringed and I backed into the bathroom. Tears welled up. It wasn't intentional. However, it wasn't right too.
It wasn't right, because the child not only hears of the word, she may think that I'm frustrated at her. Think of it this way. A father frowns when he reads the papers. It's his way of concentrating, a habit. A child approaches him, "Papa! Look what I've found!". He looks at her with the same frown he had reading the paper. What does the child think? 'Oh, Papa is angry with me. What did I do to make him angry? Did I disturb him? Did I do something wrong again?'. The father does not mean what the child thinks but his expression exudes the very same facial expression when one is frustrated or disapproval.
Conscious parenting brings awareness to such a situation. The truth hurts. I may be physically and mentally challenged but my child should not have the brunt of it. I've got to get a grip.
For those who want to know more, here's an article that is a good read:
All 3 of us sisters will be sharing stories from our different perspectives. The good, the bad and the ugly, we're telling it as it is.